What’s holding you back? 

 
Finding and defining your ‘Crazy’, that one thing (or in my case MANY things!)
that is holding you back from creating anything in this world can be difficult to pin-point.
Most of us don’t want to know our TRUE selves, whats-holding-you-back
we’re happy blissfully floating through life thinking
‘This is how things are, this is how things have always been, this is how things will always be.’
 
NOT true!
Not true AT ALL my friends! 
It takes some REAL soul searching, sometimes LOTS of hard work, maybe even breaking through some old walls that you’ve put up years ago. But, it CAN be done!  It’s not always pretty, you’ll find things that you ‘stashed’ away in those deep dark places way far away from the light.
Way down deep where you thought no-one would ever find them again. These things could be anything from something someone told you once about how you can’t sing (so you only sing to yourself in the shower! 🙂 ), to something deeper and darker. 
It’s not always pretty, you’ll find things that you ‘stashed’ away in those deep dark places way far away from the light.
Way down deep where you thought no-one would ever find them again.
These things could be anything from something someone told you once about how you can’t sing (so you only sing to yourself in the shower! 🙂 ), to something deeper and darker. 
 
Now, before we go any farther, please, I want you to understand something.
I am NOT a psychologist, psychotherapist, or any such psycho-anything (I’m just psycho! At least according to my husband I am!).
I am NOT making light of any condition that requires the treatment from these professionals.
I completely believe that having someone to talk to who can help you come to terms with things in your life and in your head is sometimes an absolute necessity.
Life throws some horrible things at us and having someone help us through those experiences is a God-send!
If you feel it necessary, please seek help from these professionals.
 
 What’s stopping you from creating?
 THAT being said, I am ALSO, a big proponent of self-help, of soul-searching, of looking within. Again, I repeat, it’s not always what you WANT to find, but NEED to find. 
 
I have a LOT of flaws, SO many things that hold me back from doing all the creative things I want to do.
My main ‘Crazy” is perfectionism.
Perfectionism is a BITCH! (Pardon my language, but it’s true!)
It’s causes me to question EVERYTHING I do.
I have the wonderful ability to be a very visual person.
I can ‘see’ the end result in my mind’s eye.
Whatever it is, I can take a minute, or a few. and visualize a complete picture, colours and everything.
It’s fantastic!
I LOVE that I can do that! 
   
               -Detour – squirrel – pretty bird – off on a tangent – 
                    I didn’t know that NOT everyone can do that – see things clearly in their mind’s eye, that is. I took it for granted because everyone in my family is creative and apparently CAN do it. So I grew up around others like me. When we said ‘Can you see it?’ The answer was ‘Yes, I can.” because they COULD ! As I got older, and tried to explain to others, it didn’t occur to me that not everyone is like me (I honestly don’t know why – I’m SPECTACULAR!! ) NOT everyone can see things so clearly. I don’t know how they survive!
                  – Now back to our regularly programmed schedule,…
 
The problem with being able to visualize everything, is that the end result when I’m finished creating whatever it is I’m creating may not turn out the way it looks in my head!
So,…I question even BEGINNING! (How stupid is THAT?)
NOTHINGdads-painting-1404x976 in life is PERFECT, NOTHING!
But, let’s take painting as an example for the moment, I told you I come from a creative family.
My father is a painter, among MANY other things.
His paintings are beautiful, they are realistic, you can see actual things, this painting of a sailboat is a perfect example.
 
I DON”T paint like that.
I’m sure I could, years of practice, and LOTS of ‘mistakes’ and I could do it. I don’t.
Want to know why?,….Perfectionism!
I compare my ‘crappy’ painting of a sailboat to my Dad’s.
He’s been painting for many years, he’s had time to perfect (and CONTINUE to perfect his art)
So how can I compare what I can do to what HE can do?
It’s ridiculous!
Still, I do it. CRAZY! 
 
Finding out that ‘Perfectionism’ was one of the ‘CRAZYs’ holding me back took a LONG time to find and come to terms with.
It wasn’t easy, it’s STILL not easy! I continue to fight myself and tell myself that I shouldn’t even bother starting (this website is perfect example) that project.
I see others out there in my world doing and creating and my negative voice SHOUTS out
-‘YOU can’t do THAT!’
‘YOU shouldn’t EVEN bother!’
‘YOU would just screw it up!’
ARRGGGHHH!! It makes me want to scream!
I KNOW I can, I just have to practice, I have to ACTUALLY START!
I literally have to have a long dialog with myself sometimes.
Going back and forth in my head on why I shouldn’t do something, and then how I KNOW I can. 
 
How do you go about finding and defining your ‘crazy’? What can you do to figure out what’s holding YOU back? 
 
We are going to go on a journey, we are going to use all sorts of ways, challenges, to work our way past all the reasons why we CAN’T be creative.
We are going to try things, regardless of the outcome, we are going to step OUTSIDE that box of whatever it is that holds us back and step INTO a new reality.
A reality where we ARE creative, where we CAN do whatever it is that we’ve been dreaming of building, painting, drawing, writing, whatEVER it is. 
 
Speaking of writing,… that is our first challenge. you-can-find
 
We are going to start a journal. We are going to carve out a few minutes each and every day to write. Julia Cameron, in ‘the Artist’s Way, calls them ‘Morning pages’.
Why? Well, because, you do them in the morning! 😉
We are going to write three pages, three (3) pages of stream of consciousness.
That is what ever comes to mind you write and you don’t stop until you’ve filled THREE pages. (do you get that it’s three pages, yet?, I know it took me a while!)
 
Some days you’ll have –
 
          2 May, 2005
               Today is yucky, my head hurts, I’m tired, I’m just dreading the day – don’t know why – just am. I ran over a dove/pigeon yesterday, I slowed down almost to a stop, thought he had moved, but nooooo,…Chelsae said he committed birdie suicide. I believe it, that bird didn’t want to move, he was playing chicken with me and lost! I thought I was going to be sick.
 
Other days you may have – 
 
          14 August 2005
               I’ve been out here for a bit, I was watching a thunderhead in the distance. The sky is a hazy blue, not overcast and gray and there’s a big puffy white cloud  low in the distance. I thought I saw flashes in it so I started watching it, and it had some really cool lighting flashing through it. Now it’s squished down and is mushroom shaped with a pinky-orange top. Very Pretty.
 
And other days,… – 
 
          You’ll have a series of – I don’t know what to write, I don’t know what to write, I don’t know what to write,…
 
You may start out strong, writing each and every day,….then start to dwindle.
I challenge you to keep at it.
Yes, you’ll have days where you forget.
Things will come up and you can’t write that morning, so write that night before you go to bed.
You may find that you don’t LIKE writing.
Keep at it!
Be forgiving with yourself, because this is FOR yourself. 
 
I have LOADS of journals.
If anyone ever tried to figure them out,…well they wouldn’t get far.
I start one, forget and start another, then forget THAT one and start ANOTHER!
Just remember to DATE each entry, no matter which journal you’re using the first or the third ;-)! 
A few tips I have for you
  • If you like colours use different coloured pens each day, I despise black pens, my journals are like rainbows, purple, pink, blue,…
  • Sometimes a blank journal is daunting, go on-line and find some of your favorite short quotes on art, travel, business, authors, whichever. On each page write a quote, somewhere, anywhere on the page. 
  • If you like stickers put a small one on each page.
  • Mark up or pretty up each page with something small. Then when you sit down to write you aren’t looking at a blank page trying to figure out where to start. (I love quotes, so I start by reading the little quote I’ve written the page and sometimes it’s a jump start, other times not.
  • If you are a morning person, make time before you do anything else to write. I’m NOT a morning person, my ‘morning’ pages were a struggle. I fought with myself to do this, something that I KNEW would benefit me. I realized it’s futile to wrestle with my circadian cycle. I am more of a night owl. So I try to remember to write at night. Same three pages, just later. (Notice I said ‘I TRY to remember’, I don’t always succeed. Be gentle with yourself. We are works in progress.)